Broken relationship – what now? Psychologists say that on a scale stress, divorce is on a second place by intensity of the pain, hurt. In my opinion, there is no difference if it was marriage or long-term relationship that broke – the pain is same, the stress intensity is the same.
We ride together then we don’t. What now? Why it happen? How to feel? What to think? Blame or not? Cry or not? Be sad or not?
It seems to me we all know the right answers to these questions, so how come we don’t do what we feel as right?! Why do we need someone to remind us all the time, like this video that I’m going to share with you at the end of my talk? Great explanation about broken relationship and how to recover.
And even then, when someone remind us, we think: “Oh you don’t know my situation, it’s different, it’s difficult…..”
Is it really?
We should ask ourselves:
Why is this break up so hard for me?
If you are honest to yourself, you may notice many things – answers within you that may have nothing to do with your partner, but yourself. You may still want to blame him/her cause it’s easier, but it’s not them, its us and always is – I know it’s hard to admit, but that’s the way it is.
Self-pity, again and again.
Isn’t that the first think we feel when break up occurs self-pity. We feel sorry for ourselves and start blaming partner. We feel sorry for ourselves and start looking for a “guilty one”, and of course, in 99% we are the righteous one and the partner is guilty – right?! We love blaming anyone else but ourselves. Better to say we don’t want to see our share in what led to break up. It’s so easy to blame others.
Well, maybe you don’t like to hear but I have to say!
There is no guilty person ever – no matter if its about broken relationship with a partner, parent, friend, whoever. We, each and every one of us, are looking over our best interests, thus, how can you blame other for looking over its interests.
Now you can say:
Oh interests!!! Where is the love??!! Did she/he loved me at all?!!
Ok, now ask yourself:
Isn’t it the real reason you are hurt because that person didn’t appreciate your love, your feelings?!
How can he/she leave me when I love him so much, when I gave him/her so much?!
Isn’t this your interest?! Person is not into you and your relationship anymore, for whatever reason, and yet you expect of her/him to stay in relationship so that you don’t feel pain – no matter that he/she does?! Is that love?!
In my opinion, any break up comes for some of these several reasons:
- we ignore little things that bother us – we do this for many different reasons, I bet you can find a few;
- we ignore the little things that bother the other person, things that we like and she/he doesn’t; (when ignoring is in question, either by us or other party, we think, “I’m not going to make a waves now, this is not such a big deal, we will deal with it when we get to know each other much better”- and that, my friends, is the beginning of the end or at least a beginning of not healthy relationship even if you stay together)
- lack of communication – we don’t talk to each other honestly and openly about things that bother us because most of us are thought that if we say whats on our mind that means we are starting the fight and fight can cause break up, can cause for that person to leave us, to break up, can cause the pain, can show that we are weak;
- we lie – ok lets say dishonest, not to use that harsh word “lie”; even when we talk to each other, we don’t say exactly what we mean, we don’t say exactly what bothers us – we are afraid to admit even to ourselves; we rather try to explain cause we are afraid of being misunderstood, afraid of ourselves not to cause a break up; don’t get me wrong, most of the time we are not even aware that we are not telling “exactly” what’s bothering us, but we are so used to being afraid of ourselves, being afraid not to cause commotion, not to be a “bad guy”, that we forgot what is like to be totally honest.
And I’m not criticizing anyone. I’m no different than any of you, I’m just stating the facts. Working on my issues 24/7 for the last 20 years helped me becoming more aware of my true feelings and thoughts, and not just mine but others too and helped me name the things, feelings, situations that I was not able to “pin point” before.
This video is courtesy of SpiritualBuzz from Youtube.com. According to this user this is from The DVD – VOC Workshop Series -Phoenix AZ. 12/0410 – I just hope user will not delete it – I hate when that happened, they put some video on, I like it and share it with you and then after a while, I get a message from search engeens that page has an error. What am I suppose to do, download all the videos to my computer first and then remake them and then put on – that’s not how it suppose to be. People, put right descriptions to your videos on youtube and point out the copyrights and do everything legal, pls and one more thing – don’t delete your youtube accounts – you are helping people with your videos.
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