This is paradigm that goes on for too long now and, in my opinion, it has to stop. Well, it doesn’t have to literally stop, but it would be beneficial to both genders – people would be happier.
If you want to have good satisfying relationship, either relationship so called “friends with benefits” or long term relationship, it’s time for many of you to accept that you have prejudice and get over them. This goes both for men and women.
Sensual satisfaction is very important part of having good relationship, not to mention your spiritual growth and health and the fact that through Sensual experience we learn how it looks like, for us individually, feeling of enjoyment and pleasure, feeling of intimacy and surrender, etc. I will write much more about this very important topic in some other article.
Many relationships break up because people think they are not compatible in “love making. And I hate seeing more and more example of that in life. Relationships break up because he or she meets another person that give them more sensual pleasure – no matter that love still exists between partners. And, don’t kid yourself – sensual satisfaction is bases of good long-standing relationship. Love is something that make us work on maintaining relationship – improving relationship, but sensual satisfaction is what keeps relationship going in satisfying direction for both partners and what makes people happy.
Some may say that the problem starts with difference between man and woman. I don’t think so. Man and women are different in general, but both genders have skin that is sensitive to touch – right?? Both gender enjoy love making act or it is in their nature to enjoy, if there are no psychological, mental issues that person has to deal with first.
So what makes people dissatisfied, when it comes to this topic, with their partner?
If you ask women, which are in long relationship, about their sexual life, about advice for good sexual relationship with a men, they will tell you (most of them, very big percentage of them) that good relationship depends on orally satisfying man. I hear that so often! You can see it in almost any movie or reality shows. You can notice that in your own life – can’t you?! They don’t mention themselves, just satisfying man. Doesn’t this sounds like trade – I’ll give you pleasure for the “peace at the home”or “something”?!
If you ask man the same question, they hesitate, they are not sure about the answer right away or they just say “well, we have good sex”, and don’t know to explain what makes their sex life good. If they give you straight answer that is “she satisfies me orally”. No mention of woman at all, just him. I don’t say there are no men that enjoy having mutual satisfaction in sex act. I’m just saying what is the first answer that comes up in mens’ mind.
That may be the reason why many, so many, women resent sex and their partners when it comes to sex – but don’t kid yourself, that resentment is passed on and influence their relationship in all other areas. They hate satisfying him orally or don’t do it at all or it takes them so much time to start doing it to the man they “supposedly love”. Is it love if you resent your man’s’ body?!
Oh yes, I love you, I adore you, I just don’t like your sexual preferences – lol.
Some will say, well, that’s the historical heritage – we are brought up this way. We are brought up to believe that man have different perception of sex and that woman is suppose to satisfy man, that woman is not suppose to enjoy sex as much as man.
I wouldn’t say that. If you look back in history, you can find less prejudice about sex then in twentieth century. There are so many pictures, images that you can find from the old times where you can see partners enjoying sexual act equally. Partners who would give mutual satisfaction to each other were labeled as either “tantric partners” or “weird” or “nymphomaniacs” or … . Thank god for 21st century and new generations – at least so far!
It is not natural for man to think of sex as oral sex and for woman to hate oral sex or to give men oral sex just to “get over with” – oral satisfaction of any gender (among other things) is the bases of enjoyment and pleasure. Problem is that most people when they hear word oral they automatically think about genitals. What’s with the rest of the body?
People suppose to get satisfaction by enjoying other person skin, either through touch by hands or lips. Thus, satisfaction of both genders comes from oral satisfaction ( kiss and touch all over someone’s body) as well as intercourse. And sexual satisfaction doesn’t have anything to do with love. Love we express by looking at partner, admiring partner, etc. Yes, sex is the best when 2 people are in love, but love has nothing to do with “satisfying sex”. You can love your partner “to death” and yet have dissatisfying sex – unfortunately many relationships are like that.
Why many people don’t have satisfying sexual relation?
In my opinion the main problem is masturbation. I’m not saying masturbation is wrong. Far from it. I think that masturbation is the 1st step to getting to know your body and your sensibility. The problem arises from the fact that both genders are concentrated only on their sexual organ while masturbate.
The other problem with masturbating is that by masturbating they get use to their own hand and specific movements and then in sex with a partner they expect the same treatment from partner – without telling him or her what they like and how they like it. No one can read each-other’s mind – don’t you agree?!?
What I mean is, when it comes to men, they get “too” use to their own hand and the way they do it. Because of that the only satisfaction they can get from woman is if she does it to them the same as they do it to themselves or if she orally satisfy them. Question, in that case, is what with the rest of man body?!! Because of masturbation he is not used to enjoy woman touch on his skin – apart from penis skin.
When it comes to woman – it’s not a big difference, except that many women do not masturbate or do it rarely with loads of prejudice and shame and guilt. And again, only their vagina is involved – even though women pay little more attention to the rest of the body (breasts for example) we can notice that woman also neglect many parts of their body .
For women who resent or resist giving oral to their man I can just say – get help, lol. Or, ask yourself: “How come I loved sucking my mother’s breast – was it just because of the milk that was coming out? Is it a problem in a fact that I don’t like milk that will come out of men’s penis?! “
The usual answer I get from woman is that she doesn’t love him as much as her mother. Thus, women need to love man in order to enjoy touching, feeling penis skin by their mouth. Wrong premise!!!!!! Or the next question is: “why are you in relationship with a man that you don’t love – is it some kind of trade you agreed too?”
For men who resent or resist giving oral to women I can also say – get help, lol. Think about prejudice you have about that – what believes, what opinions, what is it that makes you not doing it?! Do you feel less a man? Do you think that you are suppose to satisfy your woman with penis? WHAT? Whatever it is, it is wrong premise!!!
God gave us skin – sensitive to touch
Even some irritating touching can grow into pleasure, if persists and you relax. I remember, when I was young, man touching my forehead. It felt sooooo irritating, but since I noticed that it gives him pleasure to “cuddle” my forehead, I’ve decided to “endure irritation” for his sake and guess what – after few minutes it started arousing me! I was in shock. Now that I think of it, it was natural thing, not shocking at all. What happened was that I relaxed, didn’t let myself concentrate on irritation and start feeling his desire for me. Of course, I did like that man – it was not out of the blue with someone I didn’t care about. I was really surprised how all of the sudden irritation became arousal. And more surprised that touching my forehead made me aroused – had no idea that my forehead has anything to do with arousal. I knew that it can feel nice if someone cuddles any part of your body, but to arouse me –that was big surprise. I pretty much thought of myself, at the moment, that I’m weird. Boy was I wrong!
Tools we have to learn satisfaction – don’t mix steps toward satisfying sex
Kiss – learn to feel the kiss
Many of us skip steps toward sex. We jump into bed with someone without even learning to kiss in a first place. We take all package together – all at once or better to say, we jump straight to “in-out” part.
Learn to kiss means learning to feel with your mouth and tongue – learn how does the contact of your mouth-tongue on another person’s skin feels like. You can start learning on yourself – feeling your own skin with your mouth and tongue.
Touch – learn to feel by touch of your hand
Many of us don’t pay attention to feeling the other person skin – we do it just because that is how it suppose to go. We shouldn’t do it because we should, but because it feels good. And we shouldn’t do it because it gives pleasure to that person, but because it gives pleasure to us.
Another thing you have to pay attention about hands is that it is a different feeling when you touch with a palm of your hand than with finger tips. Never do both at the same time – either you are touching with palm or fingertips.
And one crucial thing – the pressure of touching. Touch should be soft, tender- like surface of you hand barely touches the surface of the body skin. If you press hard, you will not be able to feel a thing – plus for other person would feel like massage and not sensual touch. Practice on your skin and feel the difference. Practice is needed for 2 reasons. First is that by practice you will learn about your body and what it likes. Second is that you will learn to enjoy touching other person body.
In sexual act, as much you enjoy what has been done to you, that much you are suppose enjoying other person’s body. Most of the time enjoying other person’s body (by kissing and touching) will give you more pleasure than if person is touching you – of course if you practice and learn what I wrote above.
Muahaaa and shine like the star that you are!